Managing A Difficult Boss

Extracted from “The Star : 16 April 2013”

How to tell the boss what you think and get away with it

Does your boss motivate you, or do you find him difficult to deal with?

   One of the best ways to deal with difficult people is to give them feedback on their performance. You tell them when they do things you like, and you tell them when they do things you don’t like.

   It’s exactly the same with your boss. There is no point in going on about how your boss needs to change, because that’s unlikely to happen unless you do something about it.

   One of the best ways to deal with a difficult boss is to give him feedback about his behaviour in job-related situations. The rules for giving your boss feedback are:

 

Do It As Soon As Possible

When your boss says or does something you do or don’t like, you need to say something right away. If it’s something you do like, it’s not much use saying weeks later: “Thanks for helping me; Dave, with that difficult customer a couple of weeks ago.”

   Dave is going to have a bit of a problem remembering the situation, and the effect of the feedback is totally wasted. It also makes sense to tell Dave about something you don’t like as soon as possible.

Do It In Private

You really do not want members of your team or your colleagues hearing what you say to your boss, be it good or bad.

Check If It Is OK to Speak

Make sure that you have your boss’ full attention. There is no point in trying to make your point in trying to make your point if he has something on his mind or if he is working on his computer. It is also good manners and shows respect.

Tell Your Intentions

If your boss is not used to receiving feedback from you, what do you think runs through her mind when you pull up a chair or call her on the phone? She thinks it is bad news.

   She thinks you are about to complain about something, or you’ve done something wrong, or there’s a problem. It is important to tell her up front what you want to speak about.

   You might say: “Laura, I’d just like to thank you for something you did today.” Or if it’s something you don’t like, you might say: “Laura, I’d just like to talk about something you said today that I’m uncomfortable about.”

Tell Your Boss How You Feel About His Behaviour

This is nothing to do with anyone else. Don’t say things like: “Mike, the team doesn’t like the way you speak to us.”

   Use lots of “I” messages; say things like: “I’m unhappy with the way you told me how to do that job. It made me feel embarrassed in front of my team members. Would you be prepared to speak to me in private in future?”

Focus On One Thing At A Time

Don’t confuse your boss with a whole list of behaviours. If there are things you do like, you are in danger of coming across as patronising. If there are many things you don’t like, it may come across as a whinge.

Be Specific

When you are giving your boss feedback, it’s important to focus on job-related behaviour and not on the personality of the individual. If you feel a bit uncomfortable, try to focus on the boss’ behaviour in terms of how she said or did something. That is what you are giving feedback on, not her as a person.

   It becomes easier if you are using “I” messages and being very descriptive about what you have seen or heard. You could say something like: “I liked the way you showed me how to lay out that report; thank you, Karen.”

   Or, “Karen, I’m concerned with the way you told me how to do that report. It’s important for me to get it right, would you be prepared to spend a bit more time explaining what you require?”

Include the Customer and the Organisation

   Whenever appropriate, relate what your feedback is about to how the customer or the business could be affected. This, of course, could be an internal or an external customer.

Get Input

When giving constructive feedback, it is important to get the boss’ input.

   You might say: “I’m unhappy with the number of tasks you’ve asked me to do this week and I’m concerned that I may not be able to do them in the best interests of the business. However, I’m willing to listen to what you have to say and discuss how we can make efficient use of my time.”

Don’t Leave Them Low

This is particularly important after giving feedback on something you are not happy about. This is not an attack on the boss – it is about job-related behaviour.

   Think about how you feel when someone speaks to you about something they are unhappy about. It can leave you low and possibly stressed.

Be Brave

There is still a culture in some organisations that doesn’t allow the boss to be challenged. It’s a case of: “The boss tells me what to do and it’s my job to do as I’m told.”

   It is also the case that some people don’t want to say anything to their boss for fear of being perceived as negative or a complainer. Be brave and give your boss some positive feedback.

   The occasional compliment or descriptive “thank you” will work wonders for your relationship. And if the boss is doing or saying something you don’t like, give him some constructive feedback using the rules above.

   If you follow these rules, you are much more likely to motivate your boss, manage any difficult situations and achieve more positive results.